Nicole Gagnon’s born again testimony

I was brought up in an Evangelical Congregational church in Massachusetts. Every week I remember going to Sunday school followed by, as I called it, ‘the adult service’. I liked going to church every Sunday morning. I always enjoyed the things that made me feel good, singing solos in the cherub choir, lighting the candles at the beginning of the service, walking around with the collection plates, babysitting the young children downstairs, all of these things made me feel good.

As I began to mature, I started to question why I had to go to church. I don’t remember much about the answers I received from my parents; or if I even asked at all, but I do remember starting to feel differently about it all. What tipped me off was Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. I wasn’t learning anything anymore and I felt like I was being treated more like a child and less like someone my age, which was about 12. It was like the teachers didn’t know what to do with children of different ages, they poorly taught the same popular Bible passages like Noah’s ark and the Good Samaritan over and over again, year after year.

When I was 14 and a freshman in high school, my mom told my brothers and I that her and my dad were getting divorced. This was most devastating for me, a teenager. My parents were going to be divorced and I was about to be stuck in the middle. It was extremely difficult all around. I was hurt and completely lost. I didn’t know which way was up anymore.  After this all came down, it was interesting that my brothers and I had different reactions when it came to the decision of going to church and our belief in God. My oldest brother still went to church every week with my dad, my other older brother and I didn’t know what to do. Basically I became an atheist from what I now understand. I was so lost and confused I doubted if there even was a God.

The transition regarding my parents was long and difficult. It took about a year between the time we were told about the divorce and the time it became official. A month or so after the finalizing of the divorce and the judge’s decision on custody rights, my mom began dating. I couldn’t have been more upset with her. I could not stand my mom for years after this started and didn’t treat the boyfriend great either.

As I entered college I was having a rough time to say the least. During my freshman year, my first ever boyfriend from my high school days broke up with me and I didn’t know how to cope with it. I started drinking a lot at parties and definitely did some shameful things. I excused them by thinking I couldn’t help myself. My sophomore year I had a new boyfriend for about a year, and he broke up with me because I was too clingy. I definitely was a clinger. I really didn’t know how to have a relationship with a man, or anyone for that matter. I was such a mess, even my friends did some pretty nasty things to me, I’m guessing because I was an easy target at the time.

When I was a junior in college I got let go from the softball team and decided to transfer schools to continue playing ball. I couldn’t live without playing softball, I thought. It was the most important part of my life without a doubt. I was obsessed. I transfered to another school (that happened to be closer to my soon to be boyfriend, Aaron). The Lord showed me later on how this was a huge part of His delivering me from my obsession with softball and moving me towards Him. 

Aaron and I (sort of) had a relationship in high school. Now that I was at a school closer to him, he asked me out on a date and I was beyond excited. He took me to a bar, I had just turned 21. We listened to some live music and had a fun time. We ended up dating and it wasn’t a sure thing for either of us at first. I did not know if I could trust Aaron because he had hurt me before, and I didn’t know this at the time, but he wasn’t sure if he could be with someone who was not born-again. We fell pretty hard for each other and I knew about his being born-again, but didn’t know much of anything about it. At this point in my life I was still in the unsure category when it came to my belief in God.

At the beginning of our relationship, the Lord gave us both dreams on the same night about getting married. We weren’t marrying each other, but that didn’t matter. The dreams made us both feel really inspired about the relationship that was beginning. I didn’t know at this time, but Aaron knew the Lord was answering his prayers about being with me by giving him and I these dreams.

It was about two years after Aaron and I started dating, right after my college graduation, I decided I wanted to attend a Sunday meeting at Aaron’s church. Aaron had never pushed me to come but had always said I was welcome to if I felt led. He would answer questions if I had any, but never pushed anything on me in any way. He wanted me to come to the Lord on my own if I was going to at all. This was very important for him to do for my salvation’s sake. I had to want to come to the Lord. Aaron pushing me could have been deadly for me. I couldn’t just go to church because I wanted to please my boyfriend, I had to be curious for myself about what the real deal was if I was going to get anything out of it.

“No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.” John 6:44

I felt led to go with Aaron that Sunday. I don’t think I had even really thought about it until that morning. I just kind of said I was going if it was OK with him and so I went.

I had been to the home where church is held before, but never to a meeting. The first thing that happened was everyone was at the front of the room getting ready to sing praises. I sat by myself on the side because I didn’t really know what to do. After everyone started singing, someone came over and handed me a song book so that I could follow along. I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, words can’t even describe what I was feeling. I couldn’t even figure out how to find which page to go to in the book though it was all in alphabetical order!

Everything felt different to me, it didn’t feel anything like singing in church when I was growing up, this was completely different. It felt like my soul was being refreshed. I can’t even put it into words exactly. After about an hour, there was a few minute break and then the rest of the meeting would begin. When the pastor was preaching, I was balling my eyes out. I don’t remember what he was preaching about this day specifically, all I remember was that I knew I was hearing the truth for the first time in my life. I was so shocked at how the meeting was run too, everyone was not only able to speak, but encouraged to.

There were no robes, no altar, no fakeness. The meeting was allowed to be and was truly run by the Holy Ghost; It was in His hands completely. There was no specific order in which things had to be done like in any other church I had been to. The pastor didn’t even have a prepared sermon written which was incredible to me. The Lord allowed me to see that this was not regular church, this was true church, run by the Holy Ghost, not man.

I know the Lord pointed out to me this incredible difference between Aaron’s church and the church I had gone to because it was essential in my believing He is alive. I needed to see what true church, with the presence of God was actually like. The Lord spoke to me through that experience, showing me first hand that I had never really been in His presence at church until now. I had no idea that this day was really the beginning of my life! Everything I heard that day I knew was true. Though I did not give myself over to the Lord in that moment or in that day I knew something had changed in me. It may sound curious to the reader but I knew I had heard from the Lord something I could never unhear.

Then The Lord Spoke To My Heart
After a few weeks I was amazed by what the Holy Spirit did. I was driving from my dad’s house to Aaron’s one night when I knew the Lord was speaking to me in my heart. He said that I was going to be living with Aaron and his family. I was completely surprised. I cried the entire ride to his house and when I got there I couldn’t bring myself to tell Aaron what had happened. I was afraid of looking like a clingy girlfriend, something I had done in the past which had ruined relationships. I did, however, end up telling Aaron later that week because I had realized how silly it was not to tell him. (Satan would have loved it if I didn’t have the courage to tell Aaron what the Lord told me out of fear of the reaction I would get. Satan is the master of deceit because he is all about the complete opposite of what God desires to accomplish in someone’s life.)

The next step was to tell my dad and ask Aaron’s parents if I could move in. Talking to Aaron’s parents was easy, they were really excited about it because they were excited the Lord was speaking to me and that I was listening. I put a lot of pressure on myself about talking to my dad about it. My dad ended up being OK with it all and I was glad to be able to tell him why I was moving out. I was able to testify to something the Lord had done.

It took a few months before I gave my life over to the Lord. I wasn’t ready to give up ‘me’ at first. Then on October 14, 2012 I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was a new creature. I knew that Jesus had called me to be his own. He called me out of the night and I know I didn’t deserve it at all. The Lord started to deliver me of things and mature me in His time, which was very quick. I didn’t know I needed to mature quickly, but He led me through gently and by faith I followed. There’s so many things I learned very quickly after giving my heart to Him that couldn’t have been learned on my own or from the world. You can see things through His eyes. Our eyes can’t see past the walls of the room we’re in! You can know His heart on things though, live in His Spirit, receive the truth.

I know His timing has been absolutely perfect. Now that I have a relationship with Jesus, I yearn to hear from Him every day, I have a true fear of the Lord. I ask him to build my faith and mature me and He only gives me as much as I can handle. He is the best teacher, comforter, friend, everything! He SAVED me from what I was so I could live eternally! PRAISE GOD!

Baptism of the Holy Ghost (August 2013)
I was able to go to the women’s meeting for the first time in months. I knew I wanted to talk to T (the pastor of the home church I was now a part of) at some point so I decided this was probably a good day to do so. After the meeting I talked to him about things that had been going on with me; financial instability, dreams I had been having about weddings (specifically one that was about Aaron and I getting married in November of that year). The dreams I had been having where I was singing the lyrics to songs I didn’t know the lyrics to, uncomfortable relationships, etc. As I was walking out the door from talking to him, I saw on my phone a comment that had been posted on my facebook wall from a guy in my past asking, “Since when are you all hopped up on Jesus?” This caused a huge uneasiness in me and I knew it was an attack from Satan. Later on that night it caused some tension between Aaron and I but we both knew Satan was behind it and the situation de-escalated quickly. Only a few hours later I received an email from a relative stating that she’s saying this because she loves me, but thinks I should keep my “Bible talk” private. I did not respond to her. This was the second attack in hours. The next morning I had a bad dream about the same relative and in the dream I was late for work, which would have me anxious. I knew once again I was being attacked and that it could only mean that I needed to stay close to the Lord. A few hours later, (Wednesday), Aaron’s aunt told me she had two scriptures she believed were for me. Both of them pertained to receiving the baptism of the Holy Ghost. She felt as though this could be the day. Not ten minutes later, I was in my car driving along and the bead bracelet with the word “BELOVED” which I had made and was wearing suddenly fell apart. I wasn’t even touching anything with it! I was kind of expecting more things to be happening to me though because when the Lord is doing things, Satan is always right there trying to discourage us because we are a threat to him.

Throughout the day I had two signs I felt were from the Lord. One was a sign I saw outside of a church that read, “Do it now!” and the other was a painting of an eagle on the back of a pickup truck I was behind at one point. I tried asking the Lord for the baptism but it wasn’t the time yet.

The next morning, Thursday, I woke up from another bad dream that I was absolutely sure was an attack. The dream was about Aaron flirting with another girl right in front of me. I woke up right away all upset. I went to use the bathroom, came back, and prayed before falling asleep. I asked the Lord to help me through this, to give me comfort, and to help me fall asleep. I then asked Him to let me pray so that Satan couldn’t hear me. It was in that moment that I attempted to pray in tongues. I was whispering because Aaron was sleeping and I couldn’t tell if I was praying in tongues or not, but right when I had that thought I felt and heard my voice suddenly getting louder and I wasn’t speaking English! I wasn’t controlling my tongue, God was! My voice got louder and louder and eventually woke Aaron up. He put his hand on me and I continued praying in tongues for about twenty more seconds and then cried. I was so edified and excited and grateful to the Lord! We laid there for a while just praising Him, it was such an incredible moment. I wanted to go tell everyone in the house but it was 5:48 am so we decided to wait and tell them later that day.

Jesus is the Son of God. He is my personal savior. He saved me from who I was, what I thought I knew. You can have a real, personal relationship with Him and He will give you life. Come to Him, come to Him, and He will set you free!

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